Lots of things have been happening lately, all of which are making me more and more eager to be leaving high school. Most of these ... things are trivial simple things ... like the amounts of work, and certain classes, but I've realized lately I've got nothing to complain about really. Stuff like this is just something you do to get you where you want to go. And recently I've realized where the place I want to go is, so I'm not as worried to be leaving high school as I was.

Though the main reason I'm looking forward to graduation is the fact I wont need to stress about the people I've tried to call 'friends'. I know how I sound, but I realized I've kept my mouth shut and been nice about it all for too long ... and I'm tired of being undermined and lead on by people I trusted. And I need to get it out ... all of it

...

It all started with a breakup that literally split the cirle of friends I was with. Everything was getting really tense and the fact people took sides didn't help at all. I stayed way out of it because
a) nobody told me jack shit about the situation
and b) it's not worth the trouble.

Somehow I was invited to a party by one side, I thought it'd be fun, but that was before I saw people I respected drinking and smoking pot without a bloody care. I admit, for a while I just wanted to feel accepted ... so I went along with what they wanted, which was basically drinking. But ... getting tipsy isn't as 'cool' and crash hot as people make it out to be ... then they start offering pot of all things. And to top it all off they decided to say how they thought I didn't "have it in me" as though I was some meek little shadow that hung around with them because I could.

Needless to say I got uncomfortable with them tripping out and leaving abusive messages to other people because they'd thrown away their inhibitions. To say our basic interests dont match anymore is a bloody understatement. This is why I found it surprising that they'd apologize to me afterwards. I felt a little better after that I admit ... but I can't pretend what they do is 'ok' anymore. It's not, and I don't want to have to deal with any peer pressure and crap because I don't find it appealing.

I thought I'd feel worse about leaving this group I've known for a few years, but I don't. Maybe because I thought I was making the right choice, and because I had other people to go too afterwards ... at least I thought I did. This second group I went too afterwards have about the same amount of respect for me as this first lot did. One of them is making fun of my choice to wait outside the house when I felt threatened at the party for one. Then they go and ditch me when the tension between them and this other group boiled over. (The two groups were sitting in sight of each other before this). I wasn't really surprised, they're so wrapped up in each other they're blissfully ignorant of everyone else.

This made me realize how much I was worth to everyone ... but it doesn't matter anymore does it? The end of this whole forsaken school time story is coming, I wont have any mementos from it, save the important truth friendship doesn't last forever.

To the kinder people I've met on this site, if you've managed to read this far, thank you for listening to it all.
Adieu

~memento mori